Another Student's Blog

If you ever have time visit www.nisha-in-india.blogspot.com Nisha Khan is one of my friends from the tour. She's from Onterio and is living in the town of Yavatmal. Her posts aren't frequent but they're good. I copied the following from her blog. It was actually written by our friend Chris who's from outside of Chicago and is staying in Nagpur. It's about the Christmas Eve that we spent in Nagpur it's very truthful and well written the rest of the post is written by Nisha about Christmas Day, I didn't have the space to copy that too :


"This is all Chris Yoder. Seriously, you should meet Chris Yoder. He is pretty spiffy.

I’d had no idea this many Nagpurians went to church. This was the only church I was aware of in the city, but even accounting for the scarcity of places to celebrate Christmas, I was shocked to see the turnout for midnight mass. People spilled out of the cathedral, which was literally packed beyond capacity. Somehow we made our way under the church’s roof, and our group was let through until we had seats in the two frontmost pews.

This wasn’t the kind of crowd I was used to in India. People stared at us of course, but something was different in their expressions. There were the usual looks of shock at seeing foreigners, but also something more. On their faces was pity, with a hint of understanding, something I’d never seen flashed in my direction. The curiosity was apparent in their eyes. For once, the silent-stated question wasn’t “Who are you?” but “Why are you spending Christmas here?”

I think that last question dawned on some of us as the organ blared out and the choir sang. What were we doing here?

We looked in front of us: A priest was talking about Christmas. The high-ceilinged cathedral was decorated for the holiday. There was even a tree – a real Christmas tree!

Just like home.

We looked behind us: Rows of Indians sat watching the service, not one a familiar face. Outside, the street didn’t look like snow had ever fallen on it. Two-wheelers, not four-wheelers, were parked in abundance beyond the open doors.

Nothing like home.

We looked beside us.

For once, it wasn’t our families sitting by our sides as Christmas Eve turned into Christmas Day. But it might as well have been a family. Caught between continents, between families, between homes, who did we have but each other?

For the second time that night, we sang Silent Night. Compared to our light-hearted rendition at PC Club, the song at the church was accompanied by a melancholy, albeit oddly cathartic air. Afterwards, many went to be blessed by a priest, half of us completely unfamiliar with the custom. When we returned to our seats at the end of the service, about a dozen Indians came to wish us Merry Christmas, and only one asked for a picture.

Is it really worthwhile to report that almost each of us hugged each other as we left the church around 1 a.m. on Christmas Day? At least five of us were crying in earnest, even those who were unaccustomed to such Christmas traditions. As we stood together at the end of the night, it was as though we had weathered a great storm where the precipitation came from people’s eyes, not the sky above.

When we arrived at the Khatri’s house that night, Pooja noticed “the gents” – Jordan, Jakob and I – were among the few with dry eyes. “Why is that?” she asked.

See, I’m not the type of person to outwardly express their sadness. Only at select moments on this exchange have I even come close to tears – before my flight to Nagpur after ten hours in the Mumbai airport in July, after Mayank left home in September, and while talking to my mom in October, hearing her voice for the first time in three months.

I felt compelled to respond to Pooja’s comment. “Just because there’s not water coming out of my eyes doesn’t mean I don’t miss my family!” Because, dry eyes or not, I really did.

And so did every other exchange student I was with that night.

There’s a chalkboard at Modern School onto which inspiring sayings are often written. One came to mind as I looked back on our Christmas night:

“Shared sorrow is half the pain, and shared happiness is twice the joy.”

We shared a lot with each other that night – our food, our homes, our personal stories, our personal space. We shared in our sorrow and we shared in our happiness. Essentially, we were sharing ourselves.

In spite of all the reasons I had to be sad, that’s why I was happier than I’d ever been on Christmas Eve.

Four hours after falling asleep, the alarm on my watch woke me around seven on Christmas morning. There was no rush downstairs towards a thickly ornamented Christmas tree, no pile of presents off which to rip red wrapping paper, no cold cocoa left half-sipped on the dining table next to a thank you note from Kris Kringle.

But why focus on what this Christmas didn’t offer when there was so much more that it did?

The product of the past day’s media coverage had been manifested in the morning’s paper. I was pictured posing with the others, my palms together over my head for no reason but the aesthetics of the photo. Two other pictures were shown with the accompanying article, but the highlight was the given caption. France, Germany and Canada had apparently been forgotten; according to the caption, the performing Rotary students apparently hail not only from the USA, but also from Sweden and Japan.

So what was it? Did we get new exchange students overnight, or had there been some secret cross-continental emigrations courtesy Santa’s sleigh?

Journalistic inaccuracies laughed aside, we said goodbye and began our search for separate autos home. Amanda, Anaïs, Nisha and I decided to share a ride, given the proximity of our homes. With activity on the streets this time of day scarce, finding an auto was proving to be a challenge. Rarely did anything pass us on the street, let alone an auto. The few our eyes could catch were just taunting us, full and unable to accommodate us. It was a solid ten minutes before we flagged down an auto driver that would give us a reasonable rate for a ride home.

Halfway home, that is.

The rickshaw came to a stop on an empty street, and I knew as soon as the driver turned to us and said “No petrol” that I had another signature moment in my already memorable holiday. I doubt I’ll ever again be stranded in a rickshaw on Christmas, and as the situation resolved itself minutes later when another rickshaw came by, I was slightly disappointed. Couldn’t there be some unexpected twist or epic encounter, like our ride getting stuck in quicksand or chased by a horde of wild elephants?

It was in relative peace that I jogged home from where the second rickshaw dropped us. I could have walked, but it seemed more prudent to run as quickly as possible. Once again I became self-conscious, wondering what the few locals on the street were thinking of the blue-jean clad foreigner jogging through Nagpur on Christmas morning. Patches of sun made their way through the trees and cool air blew softly across my face. Normally caught in a tangled mass of pillows, blankets and dreams this time of day, the morning’s atmosphere was another blatant, refreshing contrast to my ordinary life.

Most members of my host family were not yet awake, but I wished Merry Christmas to those who were. Running on four hours of sleep, the double bed in my room tantalized me with its comfort, but I sat on it quite upright and finished wrapping my gift."

Polio Clinic Photos

I know that these are way over due but I'd totally forgotten to put them up. I was trying to think of something to write about my next post and decided to go through my photos and post a random collection of ones from throughout the year that I hadn't yet when I noticed these ones. They are from the polio vaccination clinic that I helped at in January. (Under the title Lohri and my Cousin's Birthday)

Me with Dr. Sumitra Shidhaye who I helped out for the day.   Photo Credit: Ritu Grover.  

People "lining up" to see the other doctor who dealt with more serious cases and medicines while we did check ups and minor cold and fever medicines on the children as well as mothers.

Children were brought by mothers, grandmothers, fathers, etc.

Some little kids were even brought by their older siblings.

Toys and prizes were given out like balls and there "Michael Jackson" glasses the boy is holding.

The table where the actual drops were administered.

Senior Farewell

Today was the 12th class students' last day of school. There had been a farewell dance and party for them earlier in the year when I was on the South Tour. Today we had an assembly instead of sixth period and the 12th graders got to wear their hair down and brought cameras to school which are both usually against the rules a lot of the girls wore jeans and makeup to school which they usually don't do.
One of the girls in my class conducted the ceremony so she introduced those who were speaking and gave a short speech herself. The 12th class teacher (like a homeroom teacher) spoke briefly, then one of the students had been selected to speak on the class' behalf sharing lessons and memories that they all had. Finally, our principal gave a speech. We started with talking about success and how that can mean different things to different people. How earning a lot of money can be considered successful to some and maybe not to others. I thought he was going to go on to say that success could just mean being happy with what you're doing or have done. Instead he said that success for some could mean being a highly paid employee of a company, especially a multinational company while for others it night mean being the owner and employer of a company. He said that personally he suggested students shoot for the latter. He then went on to give the students advice. The piece of advice that stuck out the most to me and that he lingered on for the longest was this: when you see and advertisement for a position in a multinational company that looks like it pays very well remember that if you are sent abroad that money won't actually be very much and that you should not get cheated by these companies who are getting a deal out of you. The students were given trophies and report cards for their farewell. After the ceremony we had a very nice lunch by school standards. The seniors all ate at decorated tables with flowers in the middle of the dining hall. 

Final Wedding Post

The actual wedding ceremony took place inside the hotel. We were in a room with chairs forming a square around a square of cushions which surrounded a tent type thing in the middle. The close friends and family were the only ones to stay and attended. While we were waiting for the ceremony to start we talked to many of them. We learned that the bride's younger brother had been an exchange student with AFS in Chicago last year and is in 12th grade this year. There was a very nice couple sitting next to me who explained what was being said and happening during the ceremony.
The bride and groom sat on low cushioned chairs facing a ceremonial fire pit. The groom's family members sat on the cushions on the same side as him facing the fire and the bride's family. The ceremony was certainly longer than an average Christian wedding. The both the groom and the bride had to repeat several vows after the guru (panditji) as did their parents. In this case Ritu (our exchange student chairperson) was standing in for the groom's father and her brother who passes away recently. The bride was also given detailed instructions on how to be a good Hindu wife and how to move on to her family. After certain parts of the ceremony the bride and groom had to circle the fire. At one point, they switched the sides they were sitting on. The marriage was not considered complete until the seventh and final round. They threw fat and puffed rice into the fire which made the room a little smokey. There were several times that the groom and bride had to eat special foods such as curd and sweets. Like I said, there's a lot that I could say but I think the best way to do this is let the pictures show what it was like.
Through out the whole wedding there were servers passing around "cold drinks" (sodas), water,, coffee, tea and "dry fruits" (actually a variety of nuts).  The ceremony lasted for hours and it was about 5 o'clock in the morning by the time we got back to the hotel.
The bride and groom left even later than that and they, along with their families would sleep for a little bit but then they were all going to play games together. The games they play sound very similar to the get to know each other games and icebreakers that we play at home. That's exactly what they were actually, icebreakers and fun little games and tasks for the newlyweds and their families to get to know each other.

Ritu giving advice to the groom before he sets off on horseback. 

The groom with his headdress, beaded veil, and money necklaces.

The wedding procession.

The groom and little boy on horseback being blessed by family members. 

Hannah and Jordan in their formal wear.

The groom and boy. The boy is a relative or close friend who accompanies the groom to keep him company and protect him, in theory. He was compared to our ring bearer or best man. 

The bride's entrance to the reception.

The bride ascending to the platform. 

The couple exchanged garlands. With them are their younger siblings, the grooms sister on the left and the bride's brother on the right.

The groom giving the bride her garland.

Another garland for the groom.

As a speech was given they simply stood on the rotating platform together.

Me in a borrowed sari with my neighbors.

The bride posing before the ceremony. The long things that hang from her wrists are sort of like our flower bouquet. If she rests them on a woman's head and they fall off that woman will get married very soon. (They almost always fall off)

The groom and his mother right before the ceremony.

All the family members around the fire. The bride's parents are facing away, her sister-in-lad is in purple next to her. Across from the couple is panditji and facing us is Ritu, and the groom's best friend. 

Lighting the fire.

The bride and groom circling the fire.

Another round...

There are a few things that show your public status as a bride and one is a special necklace that is put on during the ceremony. Another is a red mark of tikka placed right below/ on the part. Newly weds also wear their wedding bangles for about a year after the wedding without taking them off.

Main Wedding Function

I don't know the best way to do this because there is so much I can and want to say to describe the last day of the wedding but I also have a lot of pictures that I want to post. I think I'm going to try to keep my description as brief as possible and let the pictures show what it was like. Most of the day was spent resting from the night before and preparing for this night. After everyone was ready, about two hours after the planned start, the groom's side gathered in the hotel we were staying at. There was a ceremony where the groom received headdresses and dozens of large necklaces made out of 10 rupees note. A little boy who was to ride with him to the wedding was also adorned with several of the necklaces and a turban.
Everyone spilled out into the street below where the groom mounted his traditional white horse with the little boy behind him. The horse to was all decked out for the procession. Family members gave last minute blessings with more money and placed tikka powder (the red paste used on foreheads for traditional occasions and welcomes) on his forehead. Finally, the crowed began to walk as one mass out to the main road. The procession consisted of a mass of people with the groom and boy on a horse lead by a hired man in the middle. A large music player-mobile lead the way blasting music and accompanied by several men playing loud drums. Around the outside of the crowed were people carrying large electric lanterns, the wires connecting the lanterns ran around the perimeter of the crowed and to a large, loud generator on wheels that took up the rear. The main wedding party was in the middle of the group dancing enthusiastically. Accompanying us were also fireworks and confetti cannons. After a hundred meters on the main road, there was a mad dash for the cars that followed and everyone got a ride to another part of the city.
We all reconvened near where the wedding ceremony and reception would actually be held. From here the same procession restarted except with even more zeal. We danced out way slowly down the main road towards the garden where the reception was to be held and where the bride's family was waiting.
Once we reached the entrance to the garden, there was a traditional exchange of formalities and greetings between the two families. Soon everyone had poured into the reception area where there were massive buffets and eating areas set up, waiters milling around with trays and and a stage set up on the opposite side.
After a little bit, there was some fanfare and the bride was carried in on a pallet by some of her family members. She ascended a set of stairs to a circular platform set up in the middle of the area. There she stood elevated so that everyone could see her and the platform rotated around so that she faced everyone. From the other side, on an opposite set of stairs, came the groom who stood with her. There, the some family members came up and spoke to them. There was a speech made and the couple placed flower garlands on each other. More confetti cannons were set off. At the end, the couple was standing together instead of on opposite sides of the platform and they both descended to the side the groom had come from.
The couple and their main family members then went to the stage where the bride and groom sat in elaborate chairs while people came up and presented them with gifts, most commonly envelopes of cash, and congratulations and well wishes. Very often, when a party brought their gifts to the bride and grooms to be they were all called upon to stand together and pose for pictures.
This lasted until well after midnight when most of the guests except for the closest few had left. At that point, the wedding party got to come down from the stage and eat dinner. Following dinner, many of the women changed out of their saris and into kurtis.


THIS HAS BEEN MUCH LONGER THAN INTENDED. I WILL FINISH WITH THE CEREMONY AND ADD PICTURES TOMORROW. FOR NOW I'M GOING TO BED, I HAVE SCHOOL IN THE MORNING.